spinning

Your nothing means something to me I wanna run from myself she's chasing me I sing the song carried on the breeze The ocean stirs beckons me home I will return when I am strong It's never too late to start again I should be dead, but couldn't let death win I'm too strong to give in I wanna be loved lost in the mirror This time it won't shatter One of these days I will embrace the moon and sun together and feel myself farther from you all and closer to me This is where I need to be Beyond this shell content with the current I am pulled out to see floating and swimming in the deep green ocean What I am and where I'm going Always a mystery

oh me oh my...let's talk about my bands :)

I've been so busy! No time for much of anything! I've been working on getting Bones and Sparrows ready to record next Friday our first album. In Bones I play a few diff instruments on the recording, but mostly I just sing! I would describe it as a combination of ambient, goth, and blues. We will be featured on the soundtrack of the upcoming independent film "Mortal" which will be released sometime in 2012. I am linking the trailer of the movie in which you will hear Bones and Sparrows playing as you watch

. The name Bones and Sparrows actually was inspired when I was trying to think of a name and my "creative consultant" ( my friend Marty)randomly laid it on me and I knew that was it! It is very fitting of the music, and my style. Bones and Sparrows formed in 2009 then took quite a long break, but has reunited in this past fall of 2011 to put out this album before the movie comes out. the album will be titled "working out the skeletons" and will be available to all in just a few shakes of a lambs tail!


Also, stay tunes for the dark, heavy, dangerously delicious sounds of "No Master" featuring Shanna Kline(of my last band the Impatients) on guitar. Micheil Knapp(the man behind the camera of Mortal) on lead guitar Chris Haug(of Melon, Onita, Count von Count...) on drums, and myself on vocals and bass guitar. This intense quarto is about to lay it on thick and heavy and blow your ear drums out. We will also be on the Mortal soundtrack and I will be posting vids of shows once we are ready to play :) Right now we are just working out our set list and perfecting and tightening things up. Stay tuned. I've got plenty more tricks up my sleeve, darlings.
xoxoxox
T

I'd love to meet someone who likes all the strange dark music I love

Blessure Grave- Resting place for two

Be alone

Be Alone
(T. Grave/S. Grave)

Lost on a Tuesday night
Confused by the notion
That life will lead my way to you

I can find my own way home
But how it feels to be alone

Down by the wayside
Over there by the clearing
The body of someone close to you

Driftin...

Wow.... My dad used to listen to Tim Buckley. So, he sounds dreamy and familiar to me, but this song on vinyl just makes me melt into a puddle... Someone wipe me off the floor. So sexy and beautiful. Goddamn..someone write me a song like this...

yet another new discovering.very gothy and beautiful

I love when I find new music that resonates with me...

fucking right,,the fire of love

can we dance?

Guess what..

Hey Humans...I'm not one of you.. I get it. I really do. Sometimes, I just get so mad... I'm pissed. I give I give and give... You take and walk away don't look back.. You spit in my face, abuse my kindness, and don't FEEL. I'll let you use me. I'm completely aware. I just wanted to be close to someone...a friend? Is friendship just emotional rape from your end. Does no one have any sense of loyalty whatsoever?
Cheers to my true friends..so few and far between. You have shown me love unconditionally. MY circle of sister witch Goddesses , and my godlike warrior brothers. You are true..divine and real. We don't see or talk as often as we want to, but I feel you and see you in my dreams. I will always be here for you as you have been for me in our past lives, now, and lives to live. I love you with all that is true and the light shining from within my soul. Thank you.

Sometimes, I feel I should write a farewell letter as we have a short time here on this realm. I want you to know.. I am with you and we are not alone though it feels that way most the time. Until I remember..you are still here with me.
Sweet dreams.
Remember me.

Sometimes I get a complete mood shift and put my blond wig on and lay about in pink... I dunno if I'm trying to be someone else, or just another aspect of my self(this I think it more likely the case). Is there really ever going to be someone else who truly understands me or feels like I feel? Probably not..it can be disheartening and a lonely path to walk. Feeling exiled, rejected alien...just being myself. I feel too much. I want too much. I expect something and get nothing from these heartless humans I see hope in my child's eyes...the rest are blind. I am broken I suppose... At lease I understand me... I feel me..... all of me..every part and different side of myself...weirdo

my mind is officially blown...goth dark as fuck beautiful

I happened upon a new band Belong which led me to Tropic of Cancer which lead me to this group "The Soft Moon" I am blown away and this even scared me a little the first time I watched it...

In the Heat of the night

This completely describes how I feel....

n the Heat of the Night-Lyrics:

In the heat of the night
When you know it ain't right
But you do what you wanna do
You do what you you feel
No one can feel like you
Out in the summertime city, ain't it a pity
There's so much to tie you down
You're leaving tonight to somewhere you can't be found

While down at the edge of town
At a pool hall where they all hang around
You hear them talkin' about the girls they knew
And talk about what they're gonna do
Then you ask yourself, is this where you belong
Is it right, or is it wrong
Does it matter what's right, in the heat of the night

Out in the streets tonight, under the neon lights
You're searchin' for something new
But nothin' is real, and no one can feel like you
They say that eagles fly in this red hot sky
But were they just passin' through
Or did they look down, and see what you found was true

But still in theback of your mind
You've got somethin' to believe in, but there's so much to find
As the bright lights dim, and the night closes in
You thought everything is ending, but it's yet to begin
And you ain't seen nothin' yet
But what you see you'll never forget, and you'll say

Why oh why
Did it take you so long to want something more
Why oh why
Did you never get off on this before
Why oh why
Well, here it is, the love you've been waitin for
Why oh why
Standin' in front of you like an open door


And then you ask yourself, is this where you belong
Is it right, or is it wrong
Does it matter what's right,
In the heat of the night

In the heat of the night, when you know it ain't right
But you do what you wanna do
You do what you feel, 'cause no one can feel like you

Tropic of Cancer- Be Brave

Another awesome dark discovery. I love that I'm finding all this new music. This is so dark and eerie. Perfect for this time of year. When the leaves start falling and the air smells sweet of the earth's decay. There is an unsettled feeling in the foggy mist. I don't know whether to be scared or to Explode from excitement. For what? I'm not sure...

Belong-Make me return

Holy shit! I heard this song on lastfm.com radio. I had it on Tim Hecker radio. I was in the ambient kind of mood and they threw this super awesome gothy tune at me. I'm in love <3

Joan Jett is my hero :)

I feel like this...

It won't subside

this is where i am at right now... Skeletal family "Alive again" lyrics

I couldn't find the song to post...


This is the last time I’ll cry for you,
the last time I’ll try to get you
Only anger fills the hole
that was my heart.

Chorus:
Give me more, give me more, give me more, give me more again x3

Until you love me.
How did things get so messed up.
How did I trust you with my soul.
How could you betray me –
and then turn away.

[Chorus]

Like a phoenix rising from the flames of hate.
Stronger and more beautiful.
You wither beneath my wings of fire.
You’re nothing compared to me.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive again x3

I don’t need you to love me.

---

Aerial silks

I think this is amazing, and I wanna learn how to do this asap. I'm ready to run off and join the circus!

Fav song of the day

This is mad sexy and badass... Heard this for the first time on Pj. Harvey internet radio today.
You know what they say about romance
You know what they say about romance
Ever changing love that you can't
Keep on side a parking keel

Better the thought than the feeling
It's plain to see
All the things we suffer
From the the hands of humanity

But that ain't me
That ain't me
But that ain't me
That ain't me

And I know there's a god inside it
Should I love your key
Adorn you
And get inside

But that ain't me
That ain't me
But that ain't me
That ain't me

And I know I may come to doubt it
But if I ever wish
I wish we could all believe

That in this daylight world
Is a world
Where love can be
And I won't ever forget it

'Cause that ain't me
That ain't me
'Cause that ain't me
Well that ain't me

im drunk peeing on the internet..and flippin u off

at Punk rock prom that evening...I was a tad wasted.... and apparently told Jess Cross to take my pic peeing, and she posted it on fb haha Here is a terribly awesome foto...


I know what some of you are thinking.

awe Amy :(

I really was just starting to get into her music. I had never really listened to it much, but the more I hear the more I like. I really felt some feeling like a reflection of my own mortality hearing about her death. Being a recovering addict and knowing I've come so far.. this hits me in a way that's hard to put into words. I feel like sometimes when you have so much creative wild energy inside of you that you don't know what to do with all of it..if you are different than others and it's so hard to feel like you are ever really understood..you feel like this mortal shell can barely contain you...you just feel everthing amplified and a thousand times deeper than anyone....it's a lil harder to stay put..you are going to bust through faster than all the sheep surrounding you. I think people who are not of this world who are so beautiful free wild and amazing with so much to offer, easily judged and misunderstood by the masses are like falling stars...glimpse their rare beauty before you blink...they fall. I think we tend to self destruct...
Poor thing..may you travel peacefully to a world you belong and can be loved like the beautiful angel you are

want

we are the haze over the field...
the darkness is falling
your kiss is an invitation
The stars become the light
I can feel you coming closer
like waves washing over me
I embody this desire
I take you inside
We can fuck until we die
I really don't mind

I'll enjoy the ride.
i will come to you in the night when you are least suspecting
we can merge within each other
I want to take you inside
Let's go for a ride
I wanna steal your breath
put you to the test
We're dancing to a song that they can't hear
I'll come to you , baby
I'll pull you near
I'll take you on then push you to the ground
Let's have my way..
then yours..I'm down

more oldies...

so many notebooks floating around with lyrics and poems. here's some from a few years back...

I've got to stop killing myself
thought I was thrilling myself
Black Stars in her eyes
I won't let this go
everything else is gone
Where it all went I won't know
I'm so bored with the puppet show







Even on my brightest day
My thoughts drift back to yesterday
to save me from disgrace and keep me from losing face
I could've shut you out if I had believed my own doubt
I put myself down
wore a fixed frown
I led myself astray
I made it that way
I don't blame you anymore for my blindness
as you walked out that door
I try to erase this madness you knowingly instilled in my mind
with the fucked up reasoning I still find
I want to erase my past
If I could I'd do it fast
because you are nothing but a nightmare to me


I numb this pain deep in my heart
So I can't feel it tear apart
I'll never cry such tears again
I don't need anything
anything that I cant bring
I don't want holidays
Don't want the fear I taste
So I spit it out
I fucking scream and shout for more
No, not things you can buy at the store
Fill me up again and again
with the pleasure you call sin
Fill me up ...Fill me up
under the night sky
I'll be alright
I'll fly high

haha i like rhyming

an oldy i stumbled upon in one of my journals..

Pull me under this world...as this wave curls it it takes me down into stillness.
My breath... my heartbeat is frozen
time lost all at the cost of my own determination..this abomination..

can't you hear my love buzz

this is how i dance when i'm alone..kinda

Sun's going down

This song is by the Outsiders, but I really like the way Mr. Airplane Man covers it. Badass. I get on these kicks where I listen to the same song over and over.......this is my kick today.

something i wrote when i was younger(and even dumber)

You say the last thing you ever want is my tears
Your absence provokes my darkest fears
How can you treat me as if you don't care
How can you love me when you are not there
I thought I'd awoke to your silhouette by my side
Outside somewhere you're drifting with the secrets you hide
This hour strikes my heart with fears
I search for the truth to strike my ears
How can I trust you when you don't care
All I do is love you when you are not here




A short something less pathetic and more current...

I keep on pretending I'm not sitting here in the dark
This time I'm spending
it's already taken me far
Backwards I'm up against the wall
Once frozen...I'm falling through the flame

She is the empress of the worlds between dark and light
shadows follow to take her down below to darkness
Songs once for

many moons

I dreamt of many moons in the sky. It's the end of this time. We are a coven of beautiful witches chasing the White Witch. She is strong. We are fighting.
I call a circle of protection. I am no longer afraid of death.

Rumination...

So, I went to West Philly with friends Rob and Jess to see one of my fav bands that I've actually never seen live....Bardo Pond. I've been listening to them like 4 years, but never gotten a chance to catch the. We got there just as they were setting up at the Dock st. Brewery outside. The singer has this sadly, dark, beautiful voice that puts you in a trance. They played 2 of my fav songs! Rumination(which I tend to listen to on repeat!!!) I sucked down 4 beers and about peed my pants from delight! I even introduced myself to the band afterwards, and bought everything they had for sale. I talked to Michael the guitar player and the singer. They were amazing people. Michael totally invited me to hang with them, but I could not get up with them since I was not driving, slightly intox and at the mercy of my sweet friends who were ready to get the funk outta town.. There were people taking pics and I'm pretty sure that I'm in some of them since I was right up front and the only person dancing besides the crazy guy who kept getting chased by security. Here is a video just to give you a taste... They played this song on Sunday when I saw them.

this song

This song keeps popping into my head today...

vanity shot

I am beautiful.... I'm not stuck up, but I will embrace the fact that I am pleasant to look at. Life is short so enjoy it. My eyes say everything. Sometimes words get in the way, and I talk too much.

beautiful aftermath

You took me under..
I cannot shatter, because I am broken
This is a flash of yesterdays daydream
I don't need to be understood,
but I always make them try to see
I can dream without your eyes in my mind
I've done it infinite times in all of my lives
This is no surprise to me
It's all too familiar
Desire destruction
Just a slight obstruction
to show me who I am
The sting will lessen as you fade from me
I must laugh at my reaction
as I recognize that I've afflicted myself again
with an illusion in my mind
I have molded from the desire
to feel something that is real
something I can grasp
Nothing ever lasts
and so I follow my shadow into my destruction
no one's looking back to find me or see me shifting into darkness
because for me it is the hardest
I've turned screaming in to laughter
I'm running towards the forest again
You will dream of my kiss
and look at my ghost within your fading memory
and try to recall who she was
perhaps you thought you knew

P.J. Harvey I love you..

you keep it real...

like fire

I've been on the straight and narrow
The road is winding again
I'm not who I want to be, but I am trying to be true
I reach for something
No one is there
No one can hear or feel me
I am too much to be contained within this body
Did I open the door which cannot be shut long ago?
Why do I care so much
When everyone else cares about nothing that matters
Exhausted from feelings, humans, desire
Am I human because I breathe?
Or is it merely because I need?
I long for more than just words to comfort
Star filled skies and moonlight take me under the wings of my unseen angel
You have kept me here on this earthly plane of existence to love?
I shall dance on the breeze of this warm spring night
my thoughts and dreams drifting toward him...he sleeps
I am left behind when I look back, and yet I am here
Who am I even?
Why do I feel my heart break into a thousand pieces over my self inflicted disillusionment.
Fully aware of my self torture...I step back and gaze upon the looking glass
to recognize and realize...I have changed and yet am still the same in so many ways
I love.. I desire..
my hearts runs wild and burns like fire

No one else can hear me

I could never go back
I have to protect me from myself
I don't know her sometimes
I've taken my life again and again
but I'm still here.
No one else can hear me
don't see anyone who feels me
I've chased them all away
because they can't understand
I speak the truth that they can't handle
it's lies that keep them together
I don't need them
I just want to be needed
Every time I get closer
You turn and walk away
I am surrounded and yet alone
If I did not have my light shining on me
I would run off into the darkness

brother

You are not human
you have no heart
you know no kindness
you take life hard
just a child when you fell into darkness
never resurfaced
you are nothing
you are no one
I let you knock me down
I let you win for so long
I had no choice
nowhere to run
I was your pawn
I fell into your traps
I took your poisons
I did not know myself anymore
You wanted this to win
always thinking I was trying
to go against you
in the battle inside your head
like it was a game
it took so long until
i could see myself again
evil demon destroy the love
that flows around you
drain us all until we fall
or run far from you
you pretend to wonder
what you could have done
to make us all walk away
to cause such disgust and hate
you pretend you are innocent
I see right though you
I know you better
than anyone
You are nothing to me anymore
I'm just waiting and watching
you self destruct from a distance

Broken Homes

...

I need some space from the human race

I'm against religion

Organize your actions

Distract you matter of fact

You better take a step back

6:16 PM

kitty jailbreak dream

So...I had this dream I was in jail for some unknown reason. This was in the holding cell, and there were a couple of people in there. There was this woman who had a striped kitten w/ her, and she happen to see me lookin at the guy she was with(who I recognize as this punk from middle school) She got all pissed off thatI looked at him, and got in my face and started pushin me around. I put up w/ her for a certain amount of time before I snapped off, and beat her to bloody pieces...(it was pretty gross. i'll leave it at that) then I stole her clothes and her cat. I actully showed the head cop where I threw her body in the garbage. He was ok w/ the whole ordeal!?! Then I somehow got one of the handcuffs off my wrist(they were the kind w. the long chain in the middle?) and clamped it around the kitty's neck, and we broke out and I'm runnin like the wind w/ this cat handcuffed to my wrist down main street. That's all I remember.

SinDar

i just had a series of weird ass dreams last night...i was in this geisha girl secret assassin training program and we were all painted up and wearing red, and throwing fans with blades at each other and kicking each other's asses. it was some type of secret agenda only we knew about...thats all i remember of that...
then i had a dream I was in my friends basement and Sindar my cat(he's no longer on this earth) was walking around getting into shit and he jumps up to a record thats playing and tries to fuck w/ it like a cat dj. while this is all going on I change into dragon clothes and david bowie is doing dance magic dance on my tv then some type of fairy girl climbs out of the tv and embraces me and we are rolling around on the floor and it feels pretty crazy, but then this fuckin creepy ass music comes on and she won't let go of me, and this hooded slumped over figure is floating around and the music is super dark and fucked up and i cant get this fairy child off me. so, in slow motion im like"GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and i wake:)
rock on

tornado dream

I was outside and w/ 2 of my friends and this big storm was coming. the sky was dark w/ these insane clouds that had an orange like color. suddenly i saw a funnel cloud forming and i was like " we better get the fuck outta here" so we jump in the car and instead of driving away from the tornado we drove right into it, and it swept the car up into the sky into the middle of the tonado and we were just spinning around in a circle and i'm just waiting to crash, but we kept spinning and spinning. then the dream goes backwards and the whole scene replays and again i'm spinning in the center of the tornado waiting to crash...another dream i had the same night is of a full moon w/ a cloud in front of the moon glowing w/ a flame the color of the moon. and it was just burning. i also somehow started a forrest fire and was tryin to put it out. then i'm on a ferris wheel and i blacked out on the top...it was nonstop hiphop

crazy ass dreams

last night i dreamt that i was @ the Milltown house(my friends house where we put on shows) and i ordered a pizza w/ a friend(all the while we did not even touch the pizza) and this guy i don't know was like," im takin some of your pizza", and i'm like " excuse me are you gonna ask or are you just gonna take it?" he was like" no bitch" i took him outside and beat the shit out of him and i was like "i'm in the mafia mother fucker don't ever fuck w/ me!" and i twisted his arm until he begged for mercy. he morphed into someone else and got into a a car and drove away. i go to my car and there are two scorpions inside and i'm trying to get them out w/ out getting stung. next thing i know im in a quicky mart doing tarot readings w/ a deck missing cards, and my ass hangin out of my skirt...i usually have intense fighting dreams, but they are usually way more interesting like w/ ugly creatures(like the ones from lord of the rings) and i'm chopping those fuckers heads off...maybe soon

Ocean Dreams

Finally a clear dream... I am on a beach and the weather is stormy the ocean's current is stronly drifting to the right(if facing the ocean) and it's moving in super fast motion. I am with someone and I want to swim, the other person is afraid so they stay behind. I jump in and am swimming into waves and under water just playing around like a mermaid. I notice all the lifeguards are off duty except one. The current is fastly pulling me to the other end of the beach and it's pulling me deeper into the ocean I'm swimming harder and it's not working I'm passing the one lifeguard and I wave for help and she shakes her head at me as if to say nope I'm off duty. I start swimming diagonally to get back to shore and finally i make it...i'm walking around on the beach and i see dolphins jumpin up in the air. i point them out to my friend i'm with. the dolphins are jumpin abnormally high. as i watch them they change from bieng dolphins to these huge orca whales, and they're are two of them. They were jumping insanely high also, and at one point they just stood still with most of their bodies above the surface of the ocean(except thier tail) I recall saying something to my friend like they are doing this due to not bieng able to find a met.I seemed to know what i was talking about in the dream...(i'm sure that's not really the case, but whales don't jump that high or stand still upon the surface of water in this realm n e way)

dream island

I dreamt I was on this strange wooded island, and there were two sides. There was an old house that I had to climb through a crawlspace(which is a recurring part to many dreams) to get to the other side of the Island. On the side I was on there were all these people, and I am unclear of what was going on it was like a big event. I kept seeing this guy and were were randomly running into eachother and he was texting me when I did not see him. I remember swimming in the ocean and then decided to go to the other side.. I crawled through the crawl space which was so tiny but it had just enough room to get through to the other side. Once I'm through I see some familiar faces, and they are overjoyed to see me. They said " finally", because there were less people on this side of the Island. I just remember drinking and celebrating. Also there was something to do with this building with cages of animals, and They had some kind of large fish creature underground that broke through it's cage (while I was outside) and shook the earth and some dogs escaped.. All the while I was walking the island this man was looking for me who wanted to be with me, but we kept losing each other. that's all I remember....T

My favorite things

Let's focus on the positive. It's so easy to be pissed off at everything. So, I want say what things make me feel good:
Sunshine, a warm breeze that lifts my hair off the back of my neck, Kitty cats, Kissing you(you know who you are)strangers who say hello, my blue velvet chair, random phone calls from friends, dreams about flying, striped socks, falling in love, wooden spoons, getting tattooed, desire, sleep, feeling loved, my nieces, singing, making jewelry, crystals and rocks, walking in Nature, nice people, the stars and sky, sad beautiful songs, knowing that now is everything, every cute animal, the color green, the ocean, silky soft clothes, feathers, the smell of horses, weirdos, seeing famous models/actresses that have small breasts, old jazz, incense, familiar faces that I have never seen in this life, plants, trees, my computer, old pictures, going dancing to Industrial music(it's been a while),, Marilyn Monroe, getting scared watching creepy ghost videos on youtube, dancing alone, the smell of coconuts, thai food, swimming naked, feeling needed, helping others, children's laughter, being natural, knowing that you think of me, being able to trust and be trusted(why is it so hard?), taking a hot bath, curling into a ball under a fuzzy blanket for hours, smell of cannibus, good memories of my loved ones who are no longer with me, knowing I've changed my evil ways, doing nothing, not worrying about tomorrow, being warm, sunsets, the sound of a violin playing a dark sad song....that's good for now I'll add more later.

underwater confusion

I think I'll swim in the darkest of waters

Dive down til my head hits the sand

and I forget where I am

Next wave that comes throws me onto shore

and I think that I cant breathe..anymore

I hear the whisper of the spirits of this land

And the moon beams down on me

to bring me to life again

and you'll never really know

where I have gone this time

I'd like to make them wonder why

I can't be reached now by any human

I have gone forever to the sea

I have lost what was inside of me

Maybe I wish u could bring me back

or you could show me how to believe

that I am good once again

and all evil is gone from me

but you won't try....anymore

and I won't wait at your door

I am lost in the ocean of time

Do you believe that I have forgotten

what is mine?

In memory of....on a car??? WTF

WHY do you drive around with a fucking "In memory of..." sticker on the back of your car. Do you think you are honoring the person who died by putting that tacky shit on your fuckin window? Do you think that these passer byers will know who that is or even give a flying fuck? Or are you such an attention whore that you want others to know that you have lost someone and want strangers pity thrown at you. Madness....I just dont get Americans. The loss of someone you love should not be a fuckin AD!!!!!!!!! Call me cold hearted, but I know that pain all to well, and this bullshit is fucking TRASH!
....venting is good

communication barrier

Why is it sooo hard to communicate with people? I think when you make an effort to communicate with someone, and you get no response it leads to unhealthy thoughts. For example...I was walking down the street the other day in West Chester, and this woman sitting on the stoop was eyeballing me like something fierce. I could feel what she was thinking almost. So, I made direct eye contact with her and said, 'Hello.' She says nothing....So the thoughts that go through my head are...'ok you obviously think I'm some kind of an asshole if you are gonna stare me down like that and not respond when I nicely greet you. FUCK YOU! ' I don't understand how people can act like such assholes all the freaking time. I also find that email can be a good form of communication being as it is the future and sometimes it's just easier to email someone then to call them. Maybe, I'm wrong, but for someone who spends a good amount of time on the computer like me, it really is. I have wonderful conversations through email. It's cheaper than a phone call, and I feel that it's easier to say things through email. Now maybe that's me, because I enjoy writing. Now, my family is very split up and all over the place. Some of my family chooses to have little to do with me as possible. There could be a few reasons for this. One bieng, they are stuck in their own world and that's all that matters. Two, they have had their opinions made up about me long ago (from me being a rebellious teenager) and choose to think they are better than me(as well as judge me from my actions from over 10 years ago) and want nothing to do w/ my kind if possible.) Now, Is this true? In my mind it is, because I have made a few attempts to contact these 'family' members, and they don't respond. What am I supposed to think? I am left w/ only the answers my mind gives me. Now comes the questions, Should I care? Probably not, but because I actually have this thing called a heart, and things called feelings...the anger brews inside immensely. Then my thoughts wander...oh they think this or they think that, or they are gonna do this or that. Why should I care? I guess it's because I am a loyal person. I treat people as I wish to be treated. I care too much about people that probably are not worth a thought in my mind, because all they care about is themselves. It's quite possible these people have bad intentions towards me. Or, they are just rude, and have their heads way up their own asses. This blog isn't meant to be directed towards a specific person, but rather a few that have rubbed me the wrong way! And humans in general that act in this manner. Especially though, the ones that are supposed to be friends and family. If you consider yourself my friends and don't give me the time of day, then why should I even waste my time. I could go on about this subject, but I can't without getting too personal. I just feel that humans need to learn to communicate. At least, I can die knowing that I made an effort. I think a lot of people don't realize how short life is, and take people for granted. We won't always be here, and who's to say how long. You don't know. I don't know. If you have something to say someone say it, don't leave them filled with question, or hurt from your lack of communication. We only have so little time on this planet. Why waste it being self centered and cold to other humans? At times I am ashamed to be a human, the way we act towards each other, foreigners, and animals. What's the point?

cold

It's dark I'm here
the silence brings me near
I'm frozen in time
No memories left behind
You presence now gone
I miss your saddest song
I watched your life slip away
Feels like just yesterday
I never felt such distance
You fought with such persistance
The pains will always resurface
I know no one could ever forget this
Your eyes shined one last time
and broke this heart of mine
I said my goodbye
I know that you could hear
I know that was your fear
U fought with all your might
and shined into the light
I'll see you in my dreams sometime
the trees they always remind
Material is all they want to see
But I got so much more in me
Part of you is what I am
my tears..
the last day I took your hand,
It's soft its cold
You never
grew old...

Do you ever wanna go back in time just for like a day? My sorrow is real. I dont want your sympathy just see the beauty through my sadness inside of me.

Shark dream

This one is a couple years old
Ok dont fuckin eat like 13 mini chocolate doughnuts right before bed(i was outta real food and had the munchies) or you will have syco dreams and feel really ill the next day like me...
So in this dream....I am in the ocean swimming with some friends and we look behind us and there are like 5 shark fins not to far away sticking straight up outta the water coming at us AAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Shit is so fucking scary that I gain super powers and start swimming to the beach as fast as i can just in time to get caught up in this huge tunnel of a breaking wave and get myself crashed directly into the sand of the shore where all the waves are breaking and I try to get away as soon as I can but I'm all off balance and sand is like in my ears and I cant even stand up straight enough and start running fast enough before the next wave sucks me back in and then I'm under waves breaking again all the while I'm think "OH NO!!!!! THE SHARKS!!!" Luckily I realize I'm still in shallow enough water that the sharks can't get to me"**who are these sharks? What do they want with me? YOU CAN'T WALK SHARK! HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA !"****
Anyway, next dream...So this one is blurry, but basically me and my bff are on this boat and on this like crazy journey...somewhere not sure..and the boat starts driving itself. This is like a HUGE fuckin cruise ship. Everyone on the boat dies (don't ask..i dont know)except us
and we are trying to drive the boat we are grabbing at the wheel and trying to steer the boat but it is NOT working. Somehow the boat ends up on I-95 and it's flying down over bridges and shit and we are screaming and pulling at the wheel. Somehow we get contact with these outsiders who explain to us that we cannot control the boat, but we have to like exit thru this like portal at the bottom of the boat.(a whole lot of other shit was going on too if ppl would stop calling me when im ASLEEP....i would remember...grrrr Tbird likes sleep) ok so then we notice yep we are going to crash!!!I remember us going down this winding bridge and thinking its over!! So then we do what they suggested and look for the portal...so then we end up going thru this like water slide into this super psychedelic portal which turns out to be quite an experience...and then i wake up...or have like 15 more crazy dreams i dunno..