...

I need some space from the human race

I'm against religion

Organize your actions

Distract you matter of fact

You better take a step back

6:16 PM

kitty jailbreak dream

So...I had this dream I was in jail for some unknown reason. This was in the holding cell, and there were a couple of people in there. There was this woman who had a striped kitten w/ her, and she happen to see me lookin at the guy she was with(who I recognize as this punk from middle school) She got all pissed off thatI looked at him, and got in my face and started pushin me around. I put up w/ her for a certain amount of time before I snapped off, and beat her to bloody pieces...(it was pretty gross. i'll leave it at that) then I stole her clothes and her cat. I actully showed the head cop where I threw her body in the garbage. He was ok w/ the whole ordeal!?! Then I somehow got one of the handcuffs off my wrist(they were the kind w. the long chain in the middle?) and clamped it around the kitty's neck, and we broke out and I'm runnin like the wind w/ this cat handcuffed to my wrist down main street. That's all I remember.

SinDar

i just had a series of weird ass dreams last night...i was in this geisha girl secret assassin training program and we were all painted up and wearing red, and throwing fans with blades at each other and kicking each other's asses. it was some type of secret agenda only we knew about...thats all i remember of that...
then i had a dream I was in my friends basement and Sindar my cat(he's no longer on this earth) was walking around getting into shit and he jumps up to a record thats playing and tries to fuck w/ it like a cat dj. while this is all going on I change into dragon clothes and david bowie is doing dance magic dance on my tv then some type of fairy girl climbs out of the tv and embraces me and we are rolling around on the floor and it feels pretty crazy, but then this fuckin creepy ass music comes on and she won't let go of me, and this hooded slumped over figure is floating around and the music is super dark and fucked up and i cant get this fairy child off me. so, in slow motion im like"GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and i wake:)
rock on

tornado dream

I was outside and w/ 2 of my friends and this big storm was coming. the sky was dark w/ these insane clouds that had an orange like color. suddenly i saw a funnel cloud forming and i was like " we better get the fuck outta here" so we jump in the car and instead of driving away from the tornado we drove right into it, and it swept the car up into the sky into the middle of the tonado and we were just spinning around in a circle and i'm just waiting to crash, but we kept spinning and spinning. then the dream goes backwards and the whole scene replays and again i'm spinning in the center of the tornado waiting to crash...another dream i had the same night is of a full moon w/ a cloud in front of the moon glowing w/ a flame the color of the moon. and it was just burning. i also somehow started a forrest fire and was tryin to put it out. then i'm on a ferris wheel and i blacked out on the top...it was nonstop hiphop

crazy ass dreams

last night i dreamt that i was @ the Milltown house(my friends house where we put on shows) and i ordered a pizza w/ a friend(all the while we did not even touch the pizza) and this guy i don't know was like," im takin some of your pizza", and i'm like " excuse me are you gonna ask or are you just gonna take it?" he was like" no bitch" i took him outside and beat the shit out of him and i was like "i'm in the mafia mother fucker don't ever fuck w/ me!" and i twisted his arm until he begged for mercy. he morphed into someone else and got into a a car and drove away. i go to my car and there are two scorpions inside and i'm trying to get them out w/ out getting stung. next thing i know im in a quicky mart doing tarot readings w/ a deck missing cards, and my ass hangin out of my skirt...i usually have intense fighting dreams, but they are usually way more interesting like w/ ugly creatures(like the ones from lord of the rings) and i'm chopping those fuckers heads off...maybe soon

Ocean Dreams

Finally a clear dream... I am on a beach and the weather is stormy the ocean's current is stronly drifting to the right(if facing the ocean) and it's moving in super fast motion. I am with someone and I want to swim, the other person is afraid so they stay behind. I jump in and am swimming into waves and under water just playing around like a mermaid. I notice all the lifeguards are off duty except one. The current is fastly pulling me to the other end of the beach and it's pulling me deeper into the ocean I'm swimming harder and it's not working I'm passing the one lifeguard and I wave for help and she shakes her head at me as if to say nope I'm off duty. I start swimming diagonally to get back to shore and finally i make it...i'm walking around on the beach and i see dolphins jumpin up in the air. i point them out to my friend i'm with. the dolphins are jumpin abnormally high. as i watch them they change from bieng dolphins to these huge orca whales, and they're are two of them. They were jumping insanely high also, and at one point they just stood still with most of their bodies above the surface of the ocean(except thier tail) I recall saying something to my friend like they are doing this due to not bieng able to find a met.I seemed to know what i was talking about in the dream...(i'm sure that's not really the case, but whales don't jump that high or stand still upon the surface of water in this realm n e way)

dream island

I dreamt I was on this strange wooded island, and there were two sides. There was an old house that I had to climb through a crawlspace(which is a recurring part to many dreams) to get to the other side of the Island. On the side I was on there were all these people, and I am unclear of what was going on it was like a big event. I kept seeing this guy and were were randomly running into eachother and he was texting me when I did not see him. I remember swimming in the ocean and then decided to go to the other side.. I crawled through the crawl space which was so tiny but it had just enough room to get through to the other side. Once I'm through I see some familiar faces, and they are overjoyed to see me. They said " finally", because there were less people on this side of the Island. I just remember drinking and celebrating. Also there was something to do with this building with cages of animals, and They had some kind of large fish creature underground that broke through it's cage (while I was outside) and shook the earth and some dogs escaped.. All the while I was walking the island this man was looking for me who wanted to be with me, but we kept losing each other. that's all I remember....T

My favorite things

Let's focus on the positive. It's so easy to be pissed off at everything. So, I want say what things make me feel good:
Sunshine, a warm breeze that lifts my hair off the back of my neck, Kitty cats, Kissing you(you know who you are)strangers who say hello, my blue velvet chair, random phone calls from friends, dreams about flying, striped socks, falling in love, wooden spoons, getting tattooed, desire, sleep, feeling loved, my nieces, singing, making jewelry, crystals and rocks, walking in Nature, nice people, the stars and sky, sad beautiful songs, knowing that now is everything, every cute animal, the color green, the ocean, silky soft clothes, feathers, the smell of horses, weirdos, seeing famous models/actresses that have small breasts, old jazz, incense, familiar faces that I have never seen in this life, plants, trees, my computer, old pictures, going dancing to Industrial music(it's been a while),, Marilyn Monroe, getting scared watching creepy ghost videos on youtube, dancing alone, the smell of coconuts, thai food, swimming naked, feeling needed, helping others, children's laughter, being natural, knowing that you think of me, being able to trust and be trusted(why is it so hard?), taking a hot bath, curling into a ball under a fuzzy blanket for hours, smell of cannibus, good memories of my loved ones who are no longer with me, knowing I've changed my evil ways, doing nothing, not worrying about tomorrow, being warm, sunsets, the sound of a violin playing a dark sad song....that's good for now I'll add more later.

underwater confusion

I think I'll swim in the darkest of waters

Dive down til my head hits the sand

and I forget where I am

Next wave that comes throws me onto shore

and I think that I cant breathe..anymore

I hear the whisper of the spirits of this land

And the moon beams down on me

to bring me to life again

and you'll never really know

where I have gone this time

I'd like to make them wonder why

I can't be reached now by any human

I have gone forever to the sea

I have lost what was inside of me

Maybe I wish u could bring me back

or you could show me how to believe

that I am good once again

and all evil is gone from me

but you won't try....anymore

and I won't wait at your door

I am lost in the ocean of time

Do you believe that I have forgotten

what is mine?

In memory of....on a car??? WTF

WHY do you drive around with a fucking "In memory of..." sticker on the back of your car. Do you think you are honoring the person who died by putting that tacky shit on your fuckin window? Do you think that these passer byers will know who that is or even give a flying fuck? Or are you such an attention whore that you want others to know that you have lost someone and want strangers pity thrown at you. Madness....I just dont get Americans. The loss of someone you love should not be a fuckin AD!!!!!!!!! Call me cold hearted, but I know that pain all to well, and this bullshit is fucking TRASH!
....venting is good

communication barrier

Why is it sooo hard to communicate with people? I think when you make an effort to communicate with someone, and you get no response it leads to unhealthy thoughts. For example...I was walking down the street the other day in West Chester, and this woman sitting on the stoop was eyeballing me like something fierce. I could feel what she was thinking almost. So, I made direct eye contact with her and said, 'Hello.' She says nothing....So the thoughts that go through my head are...'ok you obviously think I'm some kind of an asshole if you are gonna stare me down like that and not respond when I nicely greet you. FUCK YOU! ' I don't understand how people can act like such assholes all the freaking time. I also find that email can be a good form of communication being as it is the future and sometimes it's just easier to email someone then to call them. Maybe, I'm wrong, but for someone who spends a good amount of time on the computer like me, it really is. I have wonderful conversations through email. It's cheaper than a phone call, and I feel that it's easier to say things through email. Now maybe that's me, because I enjoy writing. Now, my family is very split up and all over the place. Some of my family chooses to have little to do with me as possible. There could be a few reasons for this. One bieng, they are stuck in their own world and that's all that matters. Two, they have had their opinions made up about me long ago (from me being a rebellious teenager) and choose to think they are better than me(as well as judge me from my actions from over 10 years ago) and want nothing to do w/ my kind if possible.) Now, Is this true? In my mind it is, because I have made a few attempts to contact these 'family' members, and they don't respond. What am I supposed to think? I am left w/ only the answers my mind gives me. Now comes the questions, Should I care? Probably not, but because I actually have this thing called a heart, and things called feelings...the anger brews inside immensely. Then my thoughts wander...oh they think this or they think that, or they are gonna do this or that. Why should I care? I guess it's because I am a loyal person. I treat people as I wish to be treated. I care too much about people that probably are not worth a thought in my mind, because all they care about is themselves. It's quite possible these people have bad intentions towards me. Or, they are just rude, and have their heads way up their own asses. This blog isn't meant to be directed towards a specific person, but rather a few that have rubbed me the wrong way! And humans in general that act in this manner. Especially though, the ones that are supposed to be friends and family. If you consider yourself my friends and don't give me the time of day, then why should I even waste my time. I could go on about this subject, but I can't without getting too personal. I just feel that humans need to learn to communicate. At least, I can die knowing that I made an effort. I think a lot of people don't realize how short life is, and take people for granted. We won't always be here, and who's to say how long. You don't know. I don't know. If you have something to say someone say it, don't leave them filled with question, or hurt from your lack of communication. We only have so little time on this planet. Why waste it being self centered and cold to other humans? At times I am ashamed to be a human, the way we act towards each other, foreigners, and animals. What's the point?

cold

It's dark I'm here
the silence brings me near
I'm frozen in time
No memories left behind
You presence now gone
I miss your saddest song
I watched your life slip away
Feels like just yesterday
I never felt such distance
You fought with such persistance
The pains will always resurface
I know no one could ever forget this
Your eyes shined one last time
and broke this heart of mine
I said my goodbye
I know that you could hear
I know that was your fear
U fought with all your might
and shined into the light
I'll see you in my dreams sometime
the trees they always remind
Material is all they want to see
But I got so much more in me
Part of you is what I am
my tears..
the last day I took your hand,
It's soft its cold
You never
grew old...

Do you ever wanna go back in time just for like a day? My sorrow is real. I dont want your sympathy just see the beauty through my sadness inside of me.

Shark dream

This one is a couple years old
Ok dont fuckin eat like 13 mini chocolate doughnuts right before bed(i was outta real food and had the munchies) or you will have syco dreams and feel really ill the next day like me...
So in this dream....I am in the ocean swimming with some friends and we look behind us and there are like 5 shark fins not to far away sticking straight up outta the water coming at us AAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Shit is so fucking scary that I gain super powers and start swimming to the beach as fast as i can just in time to get caught up in this huge tunnel of a breaking wave and get myself crashed directly into the sand of the shore where all the waves are breaking and I try to get away as soon as I can but I'm all off balance and sand is like in my ears and I cant even stand up straight enough and start running fast enough before the next wave sucks me back in and then I'm under waves breaking again all the while I'm think "OH NO!!!!! THE SHARKS!!!" Luckily I realize I'm still in shallow enough water that the sharks can't get to me"**who are these sharks? What do they want with me? YOU CAN'T WALK SHARK! HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA !"****
Anyway, next dream...So this one is blurry, but basically me and my bff are on this boat and on this like crazy journey...somewhere not sure..and the boat starts driving itself. This is like a HUGE fuckin cruise ship. Everyone on the boat dies (don't ask..i dont know)except us
and we are trying to drive the boat we are grabbing at the wheel and trying to steer the boat but it is NOT working. Somehow the boat ends up on I-95 and it's flying down over bridges and shit and we are screaming and pulling at the wheel. Somehow we get contact with these outsiders who explain to us that we cannot control the boat, but we have to like exit thru this like portal at the bottom of the boat.(a whole lot of other shit was going on too if ppl would stop calling me when im ASLEEP....i would remember...grrrr Tbird likes sleep) ok so then we notice yep we are going to crash!!!I remember us going down this winding bridge and thinking its over!! So then we do what they suggested and look for the portal...so then we end up going thru this like water slide into this super psychedelic portal which turns out to be quite an experience...and then i wake up...or have like 15 more crazy dreams i dunno..