Approaching darkness

I know that I am wanting & needing someone to make me feel loved. I look to fools for the answer. The answer is deep within me. The love exists inside of me already, and I just have to find it. I look to the stars and ask for guidance. I ask the sun for comfort in my time of darkness. I want to feel her warm embrace, and know that I am loved. I want to never feel alone again. This hurt will dissolve and I remain wiser and stronger as each storm passes worse than the one before.

my armor...

I tried to keep a shield up over my heart
I know what dark path love leads me to
I know that no man can love me the way I need to be/want to be loved
I am foolish because I feel
I am stupid because I trust when I know better than to allow myself to be hurt and used again and again.
Maybe my love/soulmate is nothing more than a dream in this life..a memory of another life and love that I cannot manifest in this world.

Only tricks, decievers, illusions show a glimpse of what I so desire in this life
Give me a taste til you take what you want then walk away.
Psychic vampires in disguise of bliss/exstacy come to me to steal my energy, my heart, my mind, my focus, my youth, and beat me down bloody and bruised to leave me where I've already been

it's been a sec

This is a quick run down of what's new with me... I'm sick as all hell. Have been for a couple months. I am starting to think I am dying!!! Who gets sick for months? Anyway, I should go to a dr. I hate them. I truly think they don't have a fucking clue what they are doing. Or care... Anyhow. I guess I will live?

So, I've also been working on the movie "The Barbeque" We are going to be filming soon. I'm super excited it's like a gore/horror flick. I play this girl Bri who is a royal bitch! I think I can manage that easily. I will keep you posted on that. Here is the link for the movie...https://www.facebook.com/thebarbecue

Mortal is about to finish up filming in May! That's 2 movies in one year coming out that I will be in! I can honestly say despite my sadness and sickness... there are a lot of good things happening in my life.

Sexy...

Yet another wicked cover of wicked game :)~ Delicious

Ghost-into the ally

This is by far one of the coolest trippiest things I've seen in a while

I just happen upon the most interesting things. I was already in a trance like state when I put this on. I started feeling like I was being hypnotized. amazing...

Another Tearist song, but it's too badass not to post

Count von Kitten left a cat shaped hole in my heart:(

Little did I know when I recorded a video of me and my faithful kitten. That he would disappear pretty much the next day! I was messing with imovie on my mac and was trying to figure out how to add effects and stuff. So, I just video taped me and my cat cuddling with a candle in my hand with my ambient music that I created playing in the background. I had him for 6 years. I got him on The anniversary of my best friend's death one year(her mom had stray kittens in her shed). He was so sweet, and smart. Slept in my bed every night. Then one night he didn't come home. So, here is the video of me being a complete weirdo, but I'm so glad I took it so I can see him alive. I look mad tired and kinda bust in the video, but whatever! I was about to go to sleep.

I've done everything I could. posted fliers, checked shelters, called places, posted on a bunch of sites online. It doesn't feel like he is dead, but he has visited me a couple times in my dreams. I dreamt that he came home the other night. I saw him in the yard, and hedidn't seem to know where he was because he was not well. I picked him up and brought him in. I've been mourning him, and listening to "A cat shaped hole in my heart" it's a compilation of goth songs about cats that were lost. I will post one of my fav songs from the album on here. It's super sad :(

A memory in dreams, and between worlds I see you
You find me here where we don't belong
The shadows hunt us down
We remain still
The wind is howling as you pull me closer
I breathe you in this moment
I take you to a dream of past times
When blood was spilled over my hand
I follow you back through a path that's hidden
The darkness has it's beauty
Our kiss is a doorway to another dimension
where we defy time and earthly constraints
I am yours
and you are mine
and then we escape

oh my gawd......

you steal my breath

mhmm

Current 93

Speaking of amazing Goth groups..Current 93...These guys have a way of telling a tale through song..so magic, powerful, dark, beautiful, and enchanting. I've never met anyone who listens to them even, but they are phenomenal. Always on the prowl for dark, beautiful gothic tunes.