im drunk peeing on the internet..and flippin u off

at Punk rock prom that evening...I was a tad wasted.... and apparently told Jess Cross to take my pic peeing, and she posted it on fb haha Here is a terribly awesome foto...


I know what some of you are thinking.

awe Amy :(

I really was just starting to get into her music. I had never really listened to it much, but the more I hear the more I like. I really felt some feeling like a reflection of my own mortality hearing about her death. Being a recovering addict and knowing I've come so far.. this hits me in a way that's hard to put into words. I feel like sometimes when you have so much creative wild energy inside of you that you don't know what to do with all of it..if you are different than others and it's so hard to feel like you are ever really understood..you feel like this mortal shell can barely contain you...you just feel everthing amplified and a thousand times deeper than anyone....it's a lil harder to stay put..you are going to bust through faster than all the sheep surrounding you. I think people who are not of this world who are so beautiful free wild and amazing with so much to offer, easily judged and misunderstood by the masses are like falling stars...glimpse their rare beauty before you blink...they fall. I think we tend to self destruct...
Poor thing..may you travel peacefully to a world you belong and can be loved like the beautiful angel you are

want

we are the haze over the field...
the darkness is falling
your kiss is an invitation
The stars become the light
I can feel you coming closer
like waves washing over me
I embody this desire
I take you inside
We can fuck until we die
I really don't mind

I'll enjoy the ride.
i will come to you in the night when you are least suspecting
we can merge within each other
I want to take you inside
Let's go for a ride
I wanna steal your breath
put you to the test
We're dancing to a song that they can't hear
I'll come to you , baby
I'll pull you near
I'll take you on then push you to the ground
Let's have my way..
then yours..I'm down

more oldies...

so many notebooks floating around with lyrics and poems. here's some from a few years back...

I've got to stop killing myself
thought I was thrilling myself
Black Stars in her eyes
I won't let this go
everything else is gone
Where it all went I won't know
I'm so bored with the puppet show







Even on my brightest day
My thoughts drift back to yesterday
to save me from disgrace and keep me from losing face
I could've shut you out if I had believed my own doubt
I put myself down
wore a fixed frown
I led myself astray
I made it that way
I don't blame you anymore for my blindness
as you walked out that door
I try to erase this madness you knowingly instilled in my mind
with the fucked up reasoning I still find
I want to erase my past
If I could I'd do it fast
because you are nothing but a nightmare to me


I numb this pain deep in my heart
So I can't feel it tear apart
I'll never cry such tears again
I don't need anything
anything that I cant bring
I don't want holidays
Don't want the fear I taste
So I spit it out
I fucking scream and shout for more
No, not things you can buy at the store
Fill me up again and again
with the pleasure you call sin
Fill me up ...Fill me up
under the night sky
I'll be alright
I'll fly high

haha i like rhyming

an oldy i stumbled upon in one of my journals..

Pull me under this world...as this wave curls it it takes me down into stillness.
My breath... my heartbeat is frozen
time lost all at the cost of my own determination..this abomination..

can't you hear my love buzz

this is how i dance when i'm alone..kinda

Sun's going down

This song is by the Outsiders, but I really like the way Mr. Airplane Man covers it. Badass. I get on these kicks where I listen to the same song over and over.......this is my kick today.